Last night my job led me to work a booth at Jewish Heritage Night at the 76ers game. Let me begin by saying I despise sports- the sights, the sounds, the smells, I feel angry just thinking about the fact that these athletes get paid millions of dollars a year to run around tossing balls in various shapes while the majority of the human race is struggling to pay for housing and feed their families. Back to the game...the first booth I come across is for a charity (?) called Beauty without Borders (WTF does that even mean?) staffed by 2 tall young women with bleached out and severely teased blond curls, caked on make-up and sky-high heels. At first they looked like they were going to pull me aside to spew off their spiel, but I gave them an amused, no-way-in-hell do I care look just in time. Immediately, Bimbo #1 eyes me up and down and looks knowingly at Bimbo #2 and literally starts fake laughing very loudly in a mocking tone. Oh, I'm sorry does my all black ensemble complete with ponytail, flat shoes, and bare cheeks offend your tranny-liciousness AT A BASKETBALL GAME? I swear on my life Bimbo #1 follows me into the bathroom...at the sinks, I forced a lady-butt-burp and smiled right at her. It was my way of saying I have a nicer ass, better lips, and possibly a few million more brain cells. Cher from Clueless would say she was a Full-On Monet.
I spent the first two quarters of the game people watching and attempting to engage some fans in conversation about our magazine and newspaper as well as our new American Jewish History Museum. 90% of the people there were very much like the characters in the Mike Judge directed movie "Idiocracy" (an absolutely brilliant movie despite the majority of bad reviews out there). I do not mean to sound like a mean, hate-filled person but almost everyone there was overweight. I understand some people have health problems, low metabolism, under-active thyroids, etc but do you REALLY need extra cheese on your X-TRA LARGE X-TREME FRENCH FRIES. And are you really going to spend a wad of twenties in the Fan Gear store on cheap branded T-shirts that hundreds of others will wear as well. FUCK. What is wrong with people??!!
At halftime, I went to get some food with one of my co-workers and as we stood in line I wondered out loud how a popular chain in Philadelphia got away with charging $14.00 for a small bowl of fries with Old Bay seasoning and 3 small chicken fingers. The woman standing in front of us turned around and gently explained that "you pay for the name". I already felt like a fool for agreeing to Chickies and Petes but hey, I could expense the large cup of crappy beer that I was desperate for at this point. The total for 2 people was $40.00 and I knew I had enough of this place. I downed my beer, bummed a cig, joked about trying on a yamaka, and was ouuta there.
I am thinking about making a series of half-serious, half-comedic videos about the state of humanity for YouTube...but first I am going to write a short horror script (Title: Whore Moans at Midnight) get it- whore moans, instead of hormones? yukyukyuk.
And for dinner? I plan on spending a max of $25 on groceries and making a fresh taco salad, and homemade granola for me and my hunbun :)
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